Kindness in the Workplace

Kindness is not as valued in the work place as it should be

Kindness is an underrated asset that you can use to motivate your workforce and consolidate your values. We all like to think that we are inherently kind. However, after 40 years of visiting schools up and down the country I have to conclude kindness is not always evident in the way leaders engage with their staff. Increasingly, schools are pressure cookers where it is very easy to become stressed. When you are stressed you are not always kind; indeed being stressed can limit kindness.

Remember the golden rule

There is a golden rule of behaviour: treat others in the same way that you would have them treat you. If you follow this, you are going to be kind, because of course you want your colleagues and your employers to be kind to you. Some people are more naturally inclined to kindness than others. If you smile at people, visit them in their workplace and find out how they are, remember things about their circumstances and family, and allow their reasonable requests, you are going some way to walking the pathway of kindness. You may have to work at this, but it will be worth it.

Build goodwill

As a school leader I ensured that staff were allowed to go to the Christmas concerts or sports days of their children, or graduation ceremonies, or other special occasions. And I paid them too. I made sure they had more than the legally prescribed preparation time and ensured that they did not have to stay too late for parents’ evenings. In fact, eventually we dispensed with parents’ evenings all together and I released them to see parents during the school day. I also made sure they had delicious home-made biscuits in the staff room and real coffee, which they did not have to pay for. I consciously built goodwill with each member of staff. In one extreme case I made a successful bid to a charity for a very experienced teacher to go on a six week-tour of Canada, which she loved. In fact she loved it so much that she resigned, so that she could do more travelling! That, as it happened, suited me fine.

Goodwill is a well from which kindness can be drawn. I found that people were more willing to say yes when I asked them if they wouldn’t mind helping me out, because I had already helped them out in many other ways. Their jobs were not easy, and they had to work hard. But they appreciated that I was there for them and would do that little bit extra when it was absolutely necessary.

Notice the small things

It is very easy to take people for granted. You know that, because as you are reading this you are perhaps thinking of those people who took you for granted, or who are still doing so. We have all had employers who were quick to point out our mistakes, but rarely praised us for doing a good job. When I used to run online training courses my line managers would sometimes join the call. One used to be full of praise and thank me so much for my contribution in front of the delegates. Another simply asked the delegates to fill in their evaluation forms ‘so that Nick can know how to improve’. By this time, I was experienced enough to be simply amused by the contrast in approaches, but they spoke volumes about the discernment of the different leaders.

In this age of social media and email it is rare to receive a card of appreciation, hand written by a line manager. That makes it all the more special. When I speak to headteachers who complain about ‘unionised’ staff or low morale I ask them if they are sending members of staff cards of appreciation for all their hard work, or success in a particular project. Invariably they are not. The fact that you took the trouble to find a card and actually wrote it yourself, a small thing in itself, can make a real difference to a hard-pressed member of staff. It could prove well worth it in terms of possible staff retention, motivation and goodwill. But more than that, it is the right thing to do.

Nudges work

Kindness can support you in getting people to do the things they never get round to doing. Instead of nagging try a different approach. It used to irritate me that staff so seldom checked their pigeon holes for mail (oh dear that dates me!). So every so often I would put a treat in a random pigeon hole and see how long it took them to find it. It might be a book token or a Cadbury’s cream egg or a ten pound note. It would only be there for a day though. If they hadn’t found it by then it would go into another person’s pigeon hole. Over a period of time staff became adept at checking their pigeon holes promptly, for fear of missing out.

Kindness is a cost-free investment

You don’t have to pay for kindness. No school budget has a kindness line on it. Yet its impact on motivating staff and encouraging them to become more productive is immense. Kindness is free at the point of delivery. However, being kind takes time. You have to be willing to really listen to people, not pay lip service, but actually hear what they are saying to you. This may be uncomfortable. In any organisation the workers are best placed to point out the impact of policies and procedures and to make productive suggestions for improvement. It is kind to give them the opportunity to do so, not necessarily through a questionnaire, which we all loathe, but through informal conversation, taking an interest in what they do and how they think it could be done more productively.

Sorry is the easiest word

To misquote Elton John, people appreciate it when we apologise for our own mistakes, for letting them down, for helping them understand that we are human too. Is the old school of management dead where you never owned up to your mistakes or took responsibility when things went wrong? It is not a sign of weakness to say sorry to somebody we have wronged. Or are we terrified now that they will sue us for the slightest admission of guilt, demanding compensation? Where the culture is right that is not going to happen. Most people are reasonable and respond positively to an apology.

Kindness is for everybody, not just those we want to impress

My school won a monetary award from the government for the progress the children had made over the year. I split it fifty ways, ensuring that everybody received an equal amount of the award, because I felt they had all contributed to the success of the school. This included the cleaners, the dinner ladies, the secretary and everybody else. Naturally the amount was not large divided like this, but the appreciation was vast. Another school won a similar award, which only went to the senior leadership team, not even the teachers. They reckoned they were the reason the school had done so well, so were entitled to all the reward.

It is sad if somebody only makes a point of being especially kind to those from whom they want something. Kindness does not work like this. In fact, that is not kindness at all. It is manipulation. There is something pure about kindness, freely given, freely received. If it is given conditionally it becomes tarnished. You only truly understand kindness when you treat someone deemed inconsequential with the same level of respect as you do those who hold power over your career.

If we watch the news, kindness does not appear to be a commodity that is much traded these days. But you do not need any qualifications to be kind; you do not need any technical skills; you do not need any wealth. Kindness does not come from a scheming mind; it comes from your heart. We could all be a little kinder, and if we were, the workplace, and indeed the world would be a better place.